Monday, September 8, 2008

Famous Quotes and Comments

The King

* There once was a King of England. It doesn’t matter what his name was because he was the only king.

* Everyone had to be nice to him and obey his rules.

* The King said you can't have ice cream and you have to eat dogs.

* The King said it was okay to be mean to girls.

* It was not okay, however, if your cow was bigger than the King’s cow. If it was, you got hauled off to prison.

* If your daughter was prettier than the King’s daughter, you got killed.

* The King wanted to conquer America.

* George Washington fought against the King for us and saved Texas for us during the American Evolutionary war. (Master S, Feb 2009)

In cat years, Princess is a lot older than Mommy. (Mistress B, Feb 2009)

On Father's Day Dad gets to sleep, but we have to wake Mom up to let her know it's Father's Day. (Mistress F, Feb 2009)

Only policemen should be allowed to have real bullets in their guns. Bad guys should only be allowed to have "sleep" bullets ... that put the policemen to sleep when they are shot versus killing them. That way, when the policeman is shot, all he has to do is wake up. (Mistress F, Oct 2008)

Master S is having a hard time staying awake today. Grammi asks: "Did the thunder keep you awake last night?" Master S replies, "No. I didn't hear it. I had a nightmare." Grammi asks, "Oh? What was your nightmare about?" Master S replies, "A lot of people were getting killed by a monster." Grammi asks, "What kind of monster?" Master S replies, "It has a really, really long name." Grammi asks, "Yes? What was its name?" Master S replies, "Crock-A-Gator Crock-A-Gator." (Sept 2008)

Heard being sung outside my office window ... by Mistress F (sung to the tune of "Frere Jacque"): "Where is my thumb; where is my thumb? Here I am; here I am. How are you today, sir; very well my lady. Run, run, run. Run, run, run." (Aug 2009)

Grammi and the grandkids were all sitting in the Radiology waiting room. They are always curious about the medical things that happen to Grammi, and just exactly what is going to be done to her on each and every visit. They had been told beforehand that the doctor will need to take Grammi's temperature, check her blood pressure, take a small sample of her blood, and have her give them a sample of her urine ... and then the doctor would take a picture of her bones. Throughout all of these things they were patiently silent. Then, when all was done, Mistress F pipes up, "Grammi, why do they need a sample of your 'pee'? Is it so they can tell if you're lying?"

My stomach isn't hungry, but my mouth is. But I don't have any saliva in my mouth, so I can't eat. (Mistress F, June 2008)

While watching the program "Axe Men", a reality show about logging, the episode revolved around the damage caused by a severe thunderstorm in the town where the loggers lived. The date was displayed on the screen, "December 3, 2001." Mistress F, reading the date, exclaimed, "Grammi, that's past our bedtime!" A few minutes later, the program showed a logger cutting down a tree that was about to fall across a street. Master S exclaimed, "Grammi, he killed the tree!" (Summer 2008)

Master S announces, "Daddy is smarter than Mommy." Grammi says, "Really! Is that so? Well, you might not want to say that around Mommy. Her feelings might get hurt. Master S replies, "That's okay. She already knows." (Summer 2008)

Plants breathe backwards ... because they breathe in the air that we breathe out. (Master J, Summer 2008)

Grammi, you were pretty when you didn't have a cane.
(Mistress F, Summer 2008)

One day during a windy thunderstorm, Master J looks up at the clouds and exclaims, “Grammi, a tomato is coming! A tomato is coming!” (Master J, Fall 2007)

Master J: The date on a coin tells you how old it is.

Grammi asks: Mistress F, how many children are you going to have when you grow up? Mistress F answers: (after some thought): One Hundred. Grammi asks: Gosh, that’s a lot of children. How will you keep up with them all? Mistress F answers: (after more thought): Well, all but two of them will die, so it will be OK.

One day, Grammi got pulled over by the Police Man and was given a ticket. Mistress B, in the back seat commented, “Uh, oh, Grammi. You’re not going to get to go to Six Flags now.”

One day on the way to school, Master J says, “Grammi, we get to go to Pepper Alley today. The whole school is going!’ Grammi asks: “What’s Pepper Alley?” Master J answers: “I don’t know.” Grammi asks all the kids: “Has anyone else ever gone to Pepper Alley on a school field trip?” Mistress I pipes up: “Yes, I’ve been to Pepper Alley.” Mistress F pipes up: “We’ve ALL been to Pepper Alley.” Grammi asks: “What’s it like? Is it like going to the Planetarium?” Mistress B pipes up: “No.” The next day, Grammi asks: “Master J, what did you do at Pepper Alley?” Master J answers: “We watched cheerleaders.”

Master J says he got to spend two days and one night at his Pappo’s house recently and that Pappo really enjoyed Master J’s visit. Master J says he had fun too. He also says he got to drink Diet Paper while at Pappo’s.

Master S: Blood can be blue, or green, while inside your body and changes to red when exposed to the air.

Master J: The difference between reptiles and amphibians (frogs) is that reptiles have sharp teeth and amphibians (frogs) do not. And frogs are slimey.

The boys (Master J and Master S) were over recently and got into a discussion, one of those coming of age/discovering our sexuality discussions where the main topic was the male member known as the "peanuts."

A grocery list made by Mistress I reads: 1. soup can 2. eggs

Mistress F: Grammi doesn’t like to go to the hospital because they stick her with nails.

The kids were over the other day and I decided to enlist them in helping me get some housework done. I asked Mistress F if she would like to dust the furniture for me. She thought a moment, then asked, “Would you pay me?” I thought about what it was worth to me, and about what incentive would guarantee she’d accept the job. Two dollars should do it. So I gave her the offer. She looked at me with a quizzical look, like I had surely lost my mind, then shrugged and resignedly said, “Well, okay.” Goodness, gracious me. You’d have thought that I had offered to pay her with two broken lamps. Unbeknownst to me, the Gem System was in effect at home, a simple method for using reward as incentive to keep up with those dreaded chores. For each chore done, you earn a certain number of gems, those faux decorative glass discs so often seen in the vase of a flower arrangement. They are shiny and pretty, and redeemable for cash. Dusting the furniture might be worth two gems. Doing the dishes might be worth four gems. And some chores, like cleaning the litterbox, are worth more even more. Four gems buy you a quarter. So, you might imagine Mistress F's disappointment. Here I was, offering her a pretty sorry payment. Who would want blah old paper dollars when at home, you could get shiny, pretty gems?

(This is an on-going post started spring 2007, although some of the quotes are older than that. All new additions are added to the top of the list. None of the quotes listed here are made up. Real children really said them.)

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